Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Posted by Michael on 8 May 2005, 07:59 GMT
Several days ago, members of the ticalc.org staff were perusing through the web server statistics as is frequently done. That's when we noticed the line in the Operating System Report: "Windows 3.1". At first glance, this seemed incredulous; no one uses Windows 3.1 anymore. Further research into the actual server logs revealed that indeed, in the past seven days a combination of Internet Explorer 5.0 and Windows 3.1 has requested 90 files from ticalc.org. Magnus Hagander immediately set out on the long and perilous quest to locate this machine.
Saturday morning, Magnus interviewed no less than one hundred and thirty-seven system administrators of various companies, based upon the IP address found in our logs. As of right now, eighty-five of them have been admitted to the hospital for coronary-related ailments. Through the global-spanning resources of the Swedish Mafia, the computer was traced to an "A. Nakranistik", a German hermit.
Mr. Nakranistik refused to answer any of the mafia's questions or to explain why he had visited ticalc.org. By means of a time-tested social ritual involving patellas and kinetic energy, he then changed his mind and consented to the photograph which you can find at the top of this article. From the timestamp on ticalc.org in the photo and the reddish tint of artificial lighting, it is apparent that Adolf Nakranistik is a distressed individual who checks ticalc.org at ungodly hours of the night. Also note the Paint Shop Pro icon in the corner of the screen. Mr. Nakranistik is believed to have used Paint Shop Pro to create his illicit photo collection - graphing calculators posing without wearing slide cases. He has since been taken to an undisclosed location for corrective therapy involving the forced consumption of surströmming and lutfisk.
As for the rest of the world, it can breathe easy as the Swedish Mafia has since turned the laptop over to Magnus. When asked what he planned to do with it, Magnus replied that he had already formatted the hard drive and installed the latest version of Slackware. Jonathan Katz also had comments about the situation: "Why didn't he just upgrade to Windows XP? It would have been far more sane and he would have spared all of this trouble." Joey Gannon, always the voice of diametrical viewpoints, said, "This wouldn't have happened if he was an MSDN Universal subscriber! I just bought my fifth copy of Windows Server 2003 the other day. He should have been continuously upgrading with every Microsoft release." Meanwhile, the usually effervescent Nick D merely screamed, "He should have used OS/2! OS/2 Warp I tell you!" In any case, this historic rediscovery of a 16-bit operating system is now behind us and ticalc.org looks forward to many years of 32-bit and 64-bit serving to come.
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The comments below are written by ticalc.org visitors. Their views are not necessarily those of ticalc.org, and ticalc.org takes no responsibility for their content.
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On User-Agents
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nickPTar
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While you were looking, did you by any chance notice such User-Agent strings as:
Why/Do/You/CareAbout/This/666.13
foo
~
User/Agent
That was me, using wget. I use wget to download individual files (not to spider!), because I like it much better than any graphical download manager. The blocking of it gets kind of annoying. Just my $.02.
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10 May 2005, 01:36 GMT
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Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
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Brian Gordon
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I want to install slackware. I've downloaded the isos and burned them, and gotten to the part of setup where I have to repartition my hard drive with fdisk.
I can't figure out how to reduce the size of the primary partition to make an extended one. Windows XP is on the primary, and it has about 5 gigs free... how many cylinders is that and how can I make sure that I reassign only free, empty space to the linux partition?
A link to an old trial of partitionmagic will do too :)
Also, I was wondering how much space /home requires (I want to make that partition separate and as small as possible) and how much space I should format into a linux swap partition. I have 128 megs of ram an plan on using kde if that makes any difference.
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10 May 2005, 21:10 GMT
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Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
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Jon.l.m
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This is so untrue, the reason for this is that I have a running windows 3.1 computer right here at home that I use all of the time!!
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11 May 2005, 18:41 GMT
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Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
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twithchytweaker00
(Web Page)
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i actually have a working win 3.1 i mainly use it for work and playing solitare and it actually has internet capabilities but in order for that i need one of those dam removable phone cards like from at&t but i dont think they make em ne more
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11 May 2005, 20:02 GMT
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Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
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aquanight
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In my introduction to operating systems class, one of the things we'd do is install various operating systems on the school lab computers (they had so-called "removable" hard drives, the kind where you turn a key and can pull the hard drive out and put a new one in - so we didn't have to kill the oh-so-perfect windows 2000 installs when we installed the various OSes). The OSes we did (in this order):
- DOS something (I think it might've been 6.22)
- Windows 3.1
- NT 4.0 (and had much fun with service packing, etc)
- 2000 Server
- Red hat Linux (probably spent the most time on this)
But yes. That's right. We put Windows 3.1 on *modern hardware*. This resulted in a very obvious problem: jumpy mouse! Apparently, mice had a lower resolution or something like that in the Windows 3.1, so it was designed for this resolution. Use a modern mouse that has a higher resolution, and you'll have to use the keyboard to get the to mouse "tracking speed" control panel to slow it down!
Too bad we couldn't take it on the internet. We'd have to get it to login to an NT domain for that anyway. This was just plain 3.1, not 3.1 for Workgroups (let alone "3.1 for NT Domains").
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13 May 2005, 19:25 GMT
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