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Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Posted by Michael on 8 May 2005, 07:59 GMT

[Windows 3.1 computer!]

Several days ago, members of the ticalc.org staff were perusing through the web server statistics as is frequently done. That's when we noticed the line in the Operating System Report: "Windows 3.1". At first glance, this seemed incredulous; no one uses Windows 3.1 anymore. Further research into the actual server logs revealed that indeed, in the past seven days a combination of Internet Explorer 5.0 and Windows 3.1 has requested 90 files from ticalc.org. Magnus Hagander immediately set out on the long and perilous quest to locate this machine.

Saturday morning, Magnus interviewed no less than one hundred and thirty-seven system administrators of various companies, based upon the IP address found in our logs. As of right now, eighty-five of them have been admitted to the hospital for coronary-related ailments. Through the global-spanning resources of the Swedish Mafia, the computer was traced to an "A. Nakranistik", a German hermit.

Mr. Nakranistik refused to answer any of the mafia's questions or to explain why he had visited ticalc.org. By means of a time-tested social ritual involving patellas and kinetic energy, he then changed his mind and consented to the photograph which you can find at the top of this article. From the timestamp on ticalc.org in the photo and the reddish tint of artificial lighting, it is apparent that Adolf Nakranistik is a distressed individual who checks ticalc.org at ungodly hours of the night. Also note the Paint Shop Pro icon in the corner of the screen. Mr. Nakranistik is believed to have used Paint Shop Pro to create his illicit photo collection - graphing calculators posing without wearing slide cases. He has since been taken to an undisclosed location for corrective therapy involving the forced consumption of surströmming and lutfisk.

As for the rest of the world, it can breathe easy as the Swedish Mafia has since turned the laptop over to Magnus. When asked what he planned to do with it, Magnus replied that he had already formatted the hard drive and installed the latest version of Slackware. Jonathan Katz also had comments about the situation: "Why didn't he just upgrade to Windows XP? It would have been far more sane and he would have spared all of this trouble." Joey Gannon, always the voice of diametrical viewpoints, said, "This wouldn't have happened if he was an MSDN Universal subscriber! I just bought my fifth copy of Windows Server 2003 the other day. He should have been continuously upgrading with every Microsoft release." Meanwhile, the usually effervescent Nick D merely screamed, "He should have used OS/2! OS/2 Warp I tell you!" In any case, this historic rediscovery of a 16-bit operating system is now behind us and ticalc.org looks forward to many years of 32-bit and 64-bit serving to come.

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The comments below are written by ticalc.org visitors. Their views are not necessarily those of ticalc.org, and ticalc.org takes no responsibility for their content.


Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Gergely Patai  Account Info
(Web Page)

Would IE5 run under Windows 3.1? I used to browse the web with NS3 in those times...

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 11:36 GMT


Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
benryves  Account Info
(Web Page)

...and surely A. Nakranistik would be using a keyboard with the accepted QWERTZ layout?

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 06:42 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
vandykee Account Info

i think he's rockin the DVORAK keyboard.

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 08:04 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Lewk Of Serthic  Account Info
(Web Page)

If he's not, he should be.

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 01:17 GMT

Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Exbzurg Account Info

Ive got an old computer running windows 3.11 in my basement(keep your mafia away!). I haven't bothered installing a new os. mostly because its not worth the effort... and Im lazy.

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 12:39 GMT

Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Zeroko  Account Info
(Web Page)

I have a box with Windows 3.11 for Workgroups, Windows 95, & Windows NT 4.0 Workstation on it. Too bad it does not have an Ethernet card, or I could up the statistics. :) & of course, DOS with Arachne would probably make a new category (not entirely sure, though).

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 15:53 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Andy Janata  Account Info
(Web Page)

Mmmm, Arachne. :D

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 16:59 GMT

Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
José Sousa  Account Info
(Web Page)

My Pentium 200MMX have the DOS 6.2 and nothing more else... besides 4,0Gb of Dos games...

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 21:40 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Brian Gordon  Account Info

4 gigs of dos games?! wow... -_-

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 20:47 GMT

Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
chris w  Account Info

I don't have any pc's running an old os, but my dad still has the floppys for Microsoft Windows 3.1. 5 disks, and they're completely useless now...

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 22:58 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Nathan McNew  Account Info

Thats nothing, I still have the disks for Windows 2.0. We never used it though, we removed Windows 2 to save disk space and just used DOS.

Reply to this comment    17 May 2005, 03:34 GMT


Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Travis Evans  Account Info

I used a DOS 6.22/Windows 3.1 computer regularly from 1997 to about 2001, when I got a laptop. The last time I used the Win 3.1 computer was probably somewhere in 2002 or 2003.

I had tried Windows 3.1 on my laptop (which used mainly Windows ME), just for fun. It was tricky. It didn't work with the DOS shipped with Windows ME. I couldn't run it from a bootable DOS 6.22 floppy because DOS 6.22 doesn't support FAT32.

Later, I reformatted my hard drive (for reasons not necessarily having to do with getting Win3.1 working) and this time made two partitions, with the smaller one having FAT16. Then I got the idea of trying Win3.1 again. I was able to boot DOS 6.22 and install Windows 3.1 on the FAT16 partition. It was entertaining that Setup detected an "older" version of Windows (Windows ME) and offered to "upgrade" it. I just told it to install into a different directory instead. :-)

It started up in something around 6 or so seconds. Wow, computers sure have gotten faster since the Windows 3.1 days! It wasn't very useful, though. I couldn't get it to use anything better than 16-color 640x480, even though my graphics card was capable of it.

(Meanwhile, my laptop died about three years ago and now I've been using Linux.)

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 21:41 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Lewk Of Serthic  Account Info
(Web Page)

Ah, you found the light.

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 01:19 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Travis Evans  Account Info

Yep. I actually played with Linux some when I had my laptop, but never could get everything working right. After it quit working, I eventually found a desktop computer and tried a newer Linux distribution on it and had a lot more luck. Now I use it all the time. I wish I had a new computer, though; this one's rather slow.

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 22:47 GMT

Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
korkow Account Info

My school still uses a couple computers that have 2.1! Bleach.

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 13:25 GMT


Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Travis Evans  Account Info

I've always wondered about Windows 1.x and 2.x. All I know about them were a few screenshots and an article I found on a website some time ago.

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 21:43 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Brian Gordon  Account Info
(Web Page)

i have the "except in nebraska" video saved on my desktop :)

(see link)

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 20:47 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Travis Evans  Account Info

Well... All I can think is that's kind of... pathetic. ;-)

That also reminded me why I pratically never watch TV commercials anymore.

Reply to this comment    13 May 2005, 19:54 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Drew Mast  Account Info

Do you have the link to that article on 2.x and 3.x? I'm curious too.

Reply to this comment    16 May 2005, 06:29 GMT

Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
W Hibdon  Account Info
(Web Page)

My windows 3.11 machine died a yaer and a half ago. It never knew the glory of the internet. However, for some unknown reason, my school library has 4 3.11 machines. I go there and use them whenever I feel nostalgic.

-W-

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 14:49 GMT

Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
omegarobojordan  Account Info

Ah, I reamember my winows 3.1 computer.... I always hated it! But mine also died and is buried in the back yard. All is well.

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 23:32 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Rob van Wijk  Account Info

Are you serious, you actually buried your PC? But how then are you gonna cannibalize parts from it? :)

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 13:04 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
burntfuse  Account Info
(Web Page)

But..but...getting the good memory, logic, and processor chips out of old devices is the *only* thing to do with them!

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 22:09 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Lewk Of Serthic  Account Info
(Web Page)

And if you care about such things, that's an major enviromental hazard...

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 19:34 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Matt Gardeski  Account Info

I'm sure he put it in a good coffin.

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 19:56 GMT


Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Travis Evans  Account Info

The Windows 3.1 computer I used from 1997 to 2001 had a BIOS date of 1991, IIRC (which suggests that the computer was at least 6-10 years old), and it was still working. The thing I hated the most was that I never had enough hard disk space. That thing had a whopping 40 MB hard drive. Must have been considered HUGE back when it was manufactured.

Oddly, I actually quit using that computer before it died. The only hardware that failed was the 3.5" floppy drive, and that was replaced easily. (Unless you include the 5 1/4" floppy drive, which never worked anyway.) Last time I ever saw it, the keyboard wasn't working, though. I don't know if the keybaord failed or the keyboard port, but I never found out since I didn't care (it was ready for the junk heap by that time).

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 21:53 GMT

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