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ticalc.org Announces Micro-Payments
Posted by Nick B. on 1 April 2002, 07:04 GMT
SOLLENTUNA, Sweden—Saying that ticalc.org was barely breaking even, editor-in-chief Magnus Hagander has announced a micro-payment scheme. "Though we had success with our IPO three years ago, we've just had trouble making ends meet around here," Magnus was quoted as saying, "so we asked our staff members for some good ideas." "[Our Security Chief] was the first to respond, and came up with a most brilliant solution. '$0.10 for every click and $0.25 for every file downloaded,' he said. So I'm currently working on the database implementations of it now." For more details, we spoke personally to the Security Chief. "Well, with even Slashdot going to a subscription model, we realized that soon we may have to do the same. To stave off subscriptions, I felt this was the best way to go, especially since advertising didn't pan out. That being said, I think our users will enjoy being able to help out the site they love so much." ticalc.org (TICO) went public three years ago, with an initial stock price of $5 per share. The stock quickly rose to over $250 per share, but recently hit its all-time low at $3 per share and is being threatened with delistment. "With this new model, not only will we be able to finally pay our bandwidth bills, but also we'll be able to please our investors. Based on current numbers, we expect to turn a profit of around a nickel per share," Mr. Hagander said. For information on said bandwidth, we talked to Phil Genera, keeper of the ticalc.org statistics. "Well, we transferred nearly 157 gigabytes of data last month alone. We still owe from a year ago, though, but we feel now with our increased revenue we can pay off our hosting provider," he said. "Hopefully, if enough people pay, we'll soon be able to scrap the system in favor of something else, like maybe volunteer donations."
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The comments below are written by ticalc.org visitors. Their views are not necessarily those of ticalc.org, and ticalc.org takes no responsibility for their content.
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Re: ticalc.org Announces Micro-Payments
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Justanotherprogrammer 
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Woah! At first I thought that was real!
Anyway, nice ummm... fake news yeah.
Then i managed to find the "read more and discuss" thing, and could never imagine TIcalc.org having stock err.. yeah.. um... right....
.............
never mind
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2 April 2002, 02:02 GMT
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Re: ticalc.org Announces Micro-Payments
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Arcades
(Web Page)
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Remember...
http://www.calc.org/apr1/
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2 April 2002, 03:10 GMT
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Local Radio
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supersax
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A local radio station in Kansas City has been making announcements for the past couple of weeks that something big is changing April 1st.
This morning the manager of the radio station, which plays rock/alternitive music, came on air and announced "We have finally heard what the people of Kansas City want to hear! And now we are changing the name of the radio station to K-Gay."
Then they started playing Dancing Queen. They have been playing gay music all day and they even have two gay guy DJ's. It's so funny!
And their slogan is "It's not a happy gay but it's GAY gay"
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2 April 2002, 04:30 GMT
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Re: ticalc.org Announces Micro-Payments
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Barrett Anderson
(Web Page)
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ti-cas's joke was kind of random, several unusual things about it: why would a casio site want TI-cas.org; why was the name of the page still in french?; why did they do it even though their site has gone down?; WHEN THE HECK ARE THE CONTEST RESULTS GOING TO BE ANNOUNCED??? so yeah... best jokes in order of funniness:
1. detatched solutions
2. patrick davidson's site
3. google
best jokes in order of believableness
1. calc.org (cus it was true)
2. ti-cas.org
3. patrick davidson's site
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2 April 2002, 10:07 GMT
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Re: ticalc.org Announces Micro-Payments
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FOCUSEDWOLF
(Web Page)
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I should be incharge of the fake news. ;=) AOOuOuouOuOuoUoooo
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2 April 2002, 19:05 GMT
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Re: ticalc.org Announces Micro-Payments
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Jonathan Blair
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Currently, ticalc.org has probed into the vast reaches of calculator thought by implementing a new system that was reportedly "artificial intelligence." As such, all persons who have posted questions such as, "Where is the 'On' button on this thing?" and, "Where is the 'Off' button on this thing?" will recieve insults at random, using a random-integer generator based on the known value of one mole as the probability that they will recieve such a message. The value 'one mole' was reportedly used because it is the ultimate belittling insult in the mind of the computer, since it thinks that the world is so stupidly limited to the four-dimensional thinking involved in most physics, whereas pi could be used to measure the flux of space around nth dimensional objects existing in oth dimensional "space." Apparently the computer ticalc.org has hired (as it is now being paid in quantities of processors, ram, and hard drive upgrades) idolizes Star Trek computers, and will attempt to "Calculate itself where no calculator (or computer) has gone before."
//End Joke//
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16 April 2002, 09:30 GMT
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