ticalc.org: The Next 100 Years
Posted by Nick & Phil on 1 January 2000, 01:02 GMT

Even though ticalc.org is just three and a half years old itself, we decided - during some of our more boring moments - that we should create a timeline that would predict all the crazy stuff to happen in the future. Without further ado, the staff of ticalc.org presents the next 100 years, and what might happen. :)

2001: ticalc.org releases v4.0 of its layout. Features include an elaborate JavaScript emulator.
2005: ticalc.org releases v5.0 of its layout. Features include calculator purchasing out of Nick Disabato's basement. Missy, Nick's dog, tinkles on the stash of TI-89's. Thousands of dollars lost.
2006: ticalc.org falls back on annoying banner advertisements to generate revenue. approximately $0.82 per month generated.
2010: Magnus Hagander snaps after having run ticalc.org for fourteen years, joins staff of ti-files.org.
2011: Chris becomes CEO of Industrial Light and Magic. CMU overjoyed.
2020: ticalc.org hires its 40th staff member, seven-year-old Andy Selle, Jr.
2021: TI open-sources its calculators. Assembly programmers have the chance of a lifetime. Programs churned out like never before.
2032: ticalc.org releases v6.0 of its layout. Banner ads eliminated after an angry mob storms Park Ridge, IL and burns Nick's house to the ground, taking his formerly for-sale calculators.
2039: Phil Genera grows three heads and approximately eighteen arms after he re-enacts the fake news item "7th Grade Student Overclocks His TI-89 A Bit Too Much." File adding speed increased tenfold. Backlogs are a thing of the past.
2045: Andy Selle retires ticalc.org after fifty years of service, cites not having purchased a calculator for forty-six years as one of the reasons.
2053: Nick finally, after amassing enough money, purchases every available linkable calculator. Nobody seems to care.
2060: Nick refers to the number of news items he has posted in scientific notation.
2062: ticalc.org releases v7.0 of its layout. Nothing's changed except for the minor technicality that http://www.ti.com/calc/ happens to be an exact mirror of ticalc.org and the copyright information is changed.
2065: TI releases the TI-2^34, completely open-sourced. Really, really good programs made. Again.
2071: Sweden swallowed into earth following gout of flame. ticalc.org automated mirror system springs into action, cracking whitehouse.gov and mirroring itself there.
2072: President is irked. Phil Genera, coder of the mirror system, flees to a cave in the Adironacks.
2080: ticalc.org releases v8.0 of its layout in honor of its archives surpassing 100,000 files, 93% of which contain the letters "quad" somewhere in the filename.
2082: TI decides to document the ROM calls on the TI-89. Within twenty-eight seconds, thousands of 8-grayscale assembly programs are submitted to ticalc.org. File archives double in size within the year. All quadform and otherwise redundant programs purged. Nick Disabato celebrates his 100th birthday.
2087: Nick celebrates his 105th birthday by attending his 5,000th rock/techno concert featuring the reunited frozen body of Michael Paradinas of u-Ziq. Total hearing loss achieved.
2091: ticalc.org releases v9.0 of its layout after Microsoft buys out TI (which has owned ticalc.org since 2062). ticalc.org converts to Windows 2090. Daily crashes.
2092: Nick Disabato retires ticalc.org and dotcomma.org. Receives no pension because working at ticalc.org doesn't count as a job you get paid for.
2100: ticalc.org releases v10.0 of its layout. Strapped for material, invents new dating system in which 2100 is really the year 10,000; announces The TI Eon Awards.

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