ticalc.org: The Next 100 Years
Posted by Nick & Phil on 1 January 2000, 01:02 GMT
Even though ticalc.org is just three and a half years old itself, we decided - during some of our more boring moments - that we should create a timeline that would predict all the crazy stuff to happen in the future. Without further ado, the staff of ticalc.org presents the next 100 years, and what might happen. :) 2001: ticalc.org releases v4.0 of its layout. Features include an elaborate JavaScript emulator. 2005: ticalc.org releases v5.0 of its layout. Features include calculator purchasing out of Nick Disabato's basement. Missy, Nick's dog, tinkles on the stash of TI-89's. Thousands of dollars lost. 2006: ticalc.org falls back on annoying banner advertisements to generate revenue. approximately $0.82 per month generated. 2010: Magnus Hagander snaps after having run ticalc.org for fourteen years, joins staff of ti-files.org. 2011: Chris becomes CEO of Industrial Light and Magic. CMU overjoyed. 2020: ticalc.org hires its 40th staff member, seven-year-old Andy Selle, Jr. 2021: TI open-sources its calculators. Assembly programmers have the chance of a lifetime. Programs churned out like never before. 2032: ticalc.org releases v6.0 of its layout. Banner ads eliminated after an angry mob storms Park Ridge, IL and burns Nick's house to the ground, taking his formerly for-sale calculators. 2039: Phil Genera grows three heads and approximately eighteen arms after he re-enacts the fake news item "7th Grade Student Overclocks His TI-89 A Bit Too Much." File adding speed increased tenfold. Backlogs are a thing of the past. 2045: Andy Selle retires ticalc.org after fifty years of service, cites not having purchased a calculator for forty-six years as one of the reasons. 2053: Nick finally, after amassing enough money, purchases every available linkable calculator. Nobody seems to care. 2060: Nick refers to the number of news items he has posted in scientific notation. 2062: ticalc.org releases v7.0 of its layout. Nothing's changed except for the minor technicality that http://www.ti.com/calc/ happens to be an exact mirror of ticalc.org and the copyright information is changed. 2065: TI releases the TI-2^34, completely open-sourced. Really, really good programs made. Again. 2071: Sweden swallowed into earth following gout of flame. ticalc.org automated mirror system springs into action, cracking whitehouse.gov and mirroring itself there. 2072: President is irked. Phil Genera, coder of the mirror system, flees to a cave in the Adironacks. 2080: ticalc.org releases v8.0 of its layout in honor of its archives surpassing 100,000 files, 93% of which contain the letters "quad" somewhere in the filename. 2082: TI decides to document the ROM calls on the TI-89. Within twenty-eight seconds, thousands of 8-grayscale assembly programs are submitted to ticalc.org. File archives double in size within the year. All quadform and otherwise redundant programs purged. Nick Disabato celebrates his 100th birthday. 2087: Nick celebrates his 105th birthday by attending his 5,000th rock/techno concert featuring the reunited frozen body of Michael Paradinas of u-Ziq. Total hearing loss achieved. 2091: ticalc.org releases v9.0 of its layout after Microsoft buys out TI (which has owned ticalc.org since 2062). ticalc.org converts to Windows 2090. Daily crashes. 2092: Nick Disabato retires ticalc.org and dotcomma.org. Receives no pension because working at ticalc.org doesn't count as a job you get paid for. 2100: ticalc.org releases v10.0 of its layout. Strapped for material, invents new dating system in which 2100 is really the year 10,000; announces The TI Eon Awards.
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The comments below are written by ticalc.org visitors. Their views are not necessarily those of ticalc.org, and ticalc.org takes no responsibility for their content.
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Re: ticalc.org: The Next 100 Years
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Bobman
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/sarcasm/this is not at all realistic!!!/end sarcasm/
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1 January 2000, 01:56 GMT
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The Next 100000000000 Years
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Rgb9000
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TI RELEASES ONLY ONE CALC IN 100 YEARS!? I DOUBT IT!
TI 2000, TI 99+, (NO TI 99)(TI 99 DOES EXIST! IT JUST ISNT A PALM SIZED CALC...) TI 2020, etc. TI 209(ti in numeric)(Which has a petium 7 2050 gigahertz processor and a trilobyte ram and 10 trilobyte flash mem) Asm games now take up approx 100000 bytes apiece, average game life (time of start to time of finish) now 3 years, TI decides AAAs arent the best answer. Cordless power outlets invented, to the delight of everyone. TI merges with intel,merges with Mitro$oft which amasses an army to take over the world, King Gates now sits on throne, he dies and has a shrine the size of Texas in his name. 2 years later technology invented to bring back the dead. Bill is the first to try it out, but it was BETA and disfigured him horribly. Massive worldwide suicide at this news. People jump into the sea and drink toxic cool aid. Programmers electricute themselves. Soon we go back to the stone age. Then 6500000000000 years later, a man named bill gates is born again... But soon the sun dies and earth is a cold world, good thing we relocated to 65% of all inhabitable planets back in 5087.
Then again, maybe not.
--R
Ronnie B
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1 January 2000, 02:17 GMT
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Re: ticalc.org: The Next 100 Years
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Sean Barnes
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This is really funny.
Too bad TI won't go open source sooner ;)
Only five and a half hours until 2000 in Mountain time. (Colorado)
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1 January 2000, 02:35 GMT
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