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Book of TI Discovered
Posted by Michael on 10 October 2005, 07:45 GMT

This evening Joey Gannon was out for a refreshing bicycle ride when a series of events profoundly changed his life. As he rounded a corner on a residential street, the front tire of the bicycle struck a Voyage 200 which had been left on the roadway two hours earlier. The resulting impact wobbled the wheel resulting in a catastrophic crash involving multiple flips and culminating with Joey landing head-first on top of a nearby armadillo. The armadillo escaped with only superficial scratches while Joey mustered all his strength to crawl over to the Voyage 200 to ascertain if it was damaged. Despite the throbbing headache and a newly discovered affinity for depitted olives, Joey was able to read the undamaged calculator's screen. What it contained will surely change the world forever.

The Voyage 200 displayed a file named "The Book of TI". Through corporate intervention and a few TI staff psychologists, Joey realized that he was staring at the Holy Book of TI containing universal calculator truth. As the Voyage 200's batteries were rather low, he frantically ran back towards his house for a gross of pencils and a ream of paper. Upon returning, the Book of TI was so enthralling that after reading the several-thousand page document, Joey only had time to copy the beginning few verses before the batteries died. What he gleamed is shared below:

1 SynThesIs

  1. In the beginning TI created the Educational and Productivity Solutions department.
  2. The marketplace was formless and void, and mathematical incoherentness was deep.
  3. Then TI said, "Let there be the TI-81"; and there was the TI-81.
  4. TI saw that the TI-81 was good; and TI separated the TI-81 from all other calculators.
  5. TI called the TI-81 a graphing calculator and the rest It called scientific or financial. And there were many evenings and morning, part of the product development cycle.
  6. Then TI said, "Let there a EOS and let it parse equations."
  7. TI made the EOS and separated the operations into their order of precedence, and it was so.
  8. TI called the EOS part of the homescreen. And there was a month in the product development cycle.
  9. Then TI said, "Let there be an equation editor, for entering equations, and let there be a graph screen for graphing the equations". And it was so.
  10. TI created the Matrix and the List, and these were good for storing data, so It created the real variable also.
  11. And TI saw that students were paying attention in their studies, so It created BASIC.
  12. After It had finished with Creation, TI rested while the Beta Testers examined Its creation.
  13. The Beta Testers found bugs, and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.
  14. TI smote the Beta Testers for their insolence and rested. On the fourteenth day It fixed the bugs and proclaimed Creation to be complete.
  15. TI saw all that It had made and it was good.
2 The Distribution of the TI-81
  1. Thus the TI-81 was finished.
  2. TI blessed the end of the product development cycle and sent forth Its creation to populate the Earth.
  3. It said, "Let my creation be fruitful and multiply, for there are profits throughout the Earth."
  4. TI breathed life into the factories and they did run assembly lines and produce many TI-81s.
  5. The TI-81 did multiply according to TI's will and throughout the land teachers and students purchased them in mass quantities.
  6. TI was heartened by Its creation and its popularity and so caused a great command to fall upon the TI-81 development team. TI said to them, "You shall fashion for me a helper suitable to improve the product line."
  7. The product development team worked and from the case, ROM, and design of the TI-81 fashioned it a suitable assistant.
  8. The team said, "This calculator was created out of the TI-81 and is a derivative work of its ROM. It shall be called TI-85."
  9. And TI made this so.
  10. TI fired up the assembly plants and they made TI's new work fruitful even beyond that of the TI-81. It saw how good the TI-85 was compared to the TI-81.
  11. Both the TI-81 and the TI-85 were pure in body and thought and were not ashamed to be written in ASM.
3 The Fall of the TI-85
  1. Now the serpent was more crafty than any student in the field which TI had marketed to. And he looked at the TI-85 and said, "Indeed, has TI said, you shall not run assembly language?"
  2. The TI-85 replied, "BASIC we may run but from the Z80 machine code we shall not execute or else I will crash."
  3. The serpent was very intelligent and clever, and so said to the TI-85, "You surely will not crash by me!"
  4. The serpent revealed himself to be David Boozer and hacked the TI-85 via memory backups.
  5. The TI-85 did not resist for it was powerless in the hands of such a hacker serpent. It wailed and gnashed its keys.
  6. When David Boozer ran an assembly program the eyes of the TI-85 were opened and it knew that it always ran machine code in its OS.
  7. The TI-85 realized that David's ASM programs would not lead to crashes and so it opened its ROM and RAM structure to him.
  8. Having opened the eyes of the TI-85, David turned over his work to Dan Eble. Dan was a very skilled programmer and worked to further defile the TI-85.
  9. Out of Dan's efforts was born ZShell. ZShell opened the heart of the TI-85 to chaos and allowed all kinds of ASM to run.
  10. When TI saw what had happened, It cried "What have you done?" And it wailed and gnashed Its teeth.
  11. And nothing was said for TI knew what had been done. The TI-85 had sinned and its operation had been exposed to the most fundamental programming language.
  12. TI was angry but could not curse Dan Eble for his work. TI said instead to the TI-85, "You will always remain overpriced and poorly programmed. And ASM programs shall be unsupported on all calculators."
  13. But TI had no choice for market forces tempted even It. It fashioned offspring from the ROM and the case of the TI-85. Because of this, all calculators possess sin.
  14. TI created the...

After reading the entire Book of TI, Joey ran to the nearest electronics retailer and, carrying his backlit TI-86, planted himself squarely in the middle of the calculator aisle and authoratively proclaimed one of the 10 BASIC Command(ment)s: "Thou shalt have no calculators other than TI!" Having played one too many games of Whack-A-Mole over the years, Joey defended himself from HP heathens by slapping them left and right with the 86 as they approached. Several armed men in uniforms started to haul Joey away but could not silence his cries of "TI is coming! TI is coming!" At the present time, Joey is incarcerated in a maximum security prison in Alaska. Magnus, who spoke to him by long distance telephone call last weekend, informed us of his condition: "Joey is doing well I think. He's been pacing the cell quoting parts of the TI-89 manual from memory."

There is no word yet from the federal government as to when Joey will be eligible for parole. A mental competency hearing is scheduled for next Wednesday.

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The comments below are written by ticalc.org visitors. Their views are not necessarily those of ticalc.org, and ticalc.org takes no responsibility for their content.


Re: Book of TI Discovered
Peter Nguyen Account Info

Such a beautiful story. In fact, it's so beautiful, I think I will copy and paste it on a Word document, print it out, and distribute it to my friends!

Reply to this comment    10 October 2005, 11:43 GMT


Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
the_x_animation Account Info

That is so geeky. I wanna see the looks on your friends' faces when they ask themselves "when did I meet this geek." I bet you won't have very many friends after you distribute this you geek!

Reply to this comment    14 October 2005, 19:56 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
PeteyBoy Account Info

OK, find it's geeky. But hey, I was a newwbie to this. Before, I only visited tigames.org. I came to this place when I realized there was a link.

Reply to this comment    15 October 2005, 11:24 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
burntfuse  Account Info
(Web Page)

Hey, visiting a calculator programming site makes you a geek too, so don't go insulting other people for it! :-)

Reply to this comment    15 October 2005, 17:31 GMT

Re: Book of TI Discovered
thechessmaster88 Account Info

Reading the exerpt of the Book of TI brought a tear to my eye. If only Joey had put in fresh batteries into the Voyage 200 (where is the calculator now?) and enlightened us with the Rise of the 83/83+/83+SE/84+/84+SE and the Victories of the Almighty 89

Reply to this comment    10 October 2005, 12:31 GMT


Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
majykbob  Account Info

hm... how would the book be lost? if the V200 had the book in ROM or the backup battery still worked, then the book would still be fine. Also, 1000s of pages on a V200?
It must've been endowed with the book of TI's memory-enducing holy powers...

Reply to this comment    10 October 2005, 12:51 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
jujaga  Account Info

The documents were probably compressed with Pepzip... :D

Reply to this comment    10 October 2005, 13:12 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
CajunLuke  Account Info
(Web Page)

It must not have been running 3.10, becuase that keeps RAM contents even when batteries die. I was playing Hawk the other day, my batteries died, I replaced them, and I continued in Hawk where I left off.

Reply to this comment    10 October 2005, 18:59 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
majykbob  Account Info

wow. really? thats cool that it can continue an ASM program (mabey its not that cool? i dunno im wierd)

Reply to this comment    12 October 2005, 18:31 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
Zeroko  Account Info
(Web Page)

I once had my dad's old computer do that...I accidentally turned the power strip into which it was plugged off while working on it, but upon realizing it I immediately turned it back on (all this was a fraction of a second). I was very surprised to see it in exactly the same state rather than rebooting.

Reply to this comment    12 October 2005, 23:02 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
Snave2000  Account Info

You know, I had that happen to me as well. My theory is that for the fraction of the second that the power is off, there is still enough stored in various capacitors throughout the computer to keep the RAM powered for long enough. Of course, I don't know that much about the hardware of a computer, so this may be totally incorrect.

Reply to this comment    13 October 2005, 15:00 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
burntfuse  Account Info
(Web Page)

It's probably possible - those power supplies have some pretty huge filter caps in them.

Reply to this comment    14 October 2005, 00:01 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
Lewk Of Serthic  Account Info
(Web Page)

That could be a bad thing in the event of a crash.

Reply to this comment    13 October 2005, 04:36 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
CajunLuke  Account Info
(Web Page)

It is. When my calculator randomly crashes while running ASM games, I have to leave the batteries out for several hours so it will reset and not show back up at the "Address Error!" screen, which is the last thing I want to see after taking out all my batteries. (Yet another way the v200 is superior to the 89Ti - I don't need a screwdriver to remove my backup battery!)

Reply to this comment    13 October 2005, 15:45 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
matt zelda  Account Info

yea i had to take the f***ing backup batery case off so many god damn time i broke it so know i have a scrached up exposed watch battery and the battery door is held on by duct tape. and i think the 89T does the same thing because when it crashs i had to leave the batteries out for like 5 hors

Reply to this comment    15 October 2005, 04:56 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
PeteyBoy Account Info

I feel really really sorry for you.

Reply to this comment    15 October 2005, 17:32 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
the_x_animation Account Info

Good Ole Ti-84. Never gave me any problems, over 40 Asm programs and it is still as stable as the day I bought it. You know if you think about it, the author of the Book of TI wasn't a very good programmer: he didn't leave his signature or any contact information or anything. I'm sure the author would;ve backed it up on his computer, unless if he forgot about that too.

Reply to this comment    16 October 2005, 00:51 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
PeteyBoy Account Info

Of course the TI-84 doesn't give you problems. It's the most superior of all calculators.

Reply to this comment    16 October 2005, 16:31 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
CajunLuke  Account Info
(Web Page)

An 84 can't give you problems, as 84s don't exist. 84+ or 84+se

Reply to this comment    16 October 2005, 17:50 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
PeteyBoy Account Info

What I meant by 84 is the 84 family. (84+ and 84+SE)

Reply to this comment    16 October 2005, 18:41 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
CajunLuke  Account Info
(Web Page)

I know, I'm just nitpicking.

Reply to this comment    17 October 2005, 00:29 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
Snave2000  Account Info

Well, I would have to disagree with that. I've got an 84+ SE and clear my RAM on average once a week (at least). Nothing I do on it should result in a RAM clear, but they keep happening...(I have 50+ ASM programs; that could be part of the problem...)

Reply to this comment    17 October 2005, 14:53 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
PeteyBoy Account Info

Yeah, of course. Assembly programs always take up a whole bunch of memory. If you have 50, try deleting some that you don't really need or don't play too much.

Reply to this comment    18 October 2005, 00:16 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
calkfreak83  Account Info
(Web Page)

I have around 100 on my 83+SE and its as stable as.. uh.. somethin that's stable. :)

Reply to this comment    18 October 2005, 02:17 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
Snave2000  Account Info

Well, no, it's not the issue of memory; it's just that they seem to destabilize my calc....of course, it could also be the various applications (Omnicalc, MirageOS, Symbolic, Graph3) that I have installed are causing the problems. Besides, it's very hard for me to delete games and programs once they're on my calc; I'm rather attached to each and every one of them... (such memories...sigh)

Reply to this comment    18 October 2005, 14:56 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
SilverCalcKnight Account Info

Right! The TI-84 family will rule all of these Calcism followers! Bow to the TI-84s, and pray for them to destroy all HPites with their color screens and their RPN!
(Wait, what is RPN?)

Reply to this comment    17 October 2005, 21:43 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
Snave2000  Account Info

RPN: Reverse Polish Notation

It is an alternate form of evaluating expressions
Basically, you push values onto a stack in reverse order, and then combine them with the various operators.
Arguably, it is more efficient than other methods of calculation.

Reply to this comment    17 October 2005, 22:13 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
Zeroko  Account Info
(Web Page)

TI has given in to RPN...the 68K calculators use RPN internally to store TI-BASIC programs & expressions. Also, if you use Equation Writer (which I do), the actual keystrokes pressed can at times be more RPN-ish than the normal entry line.

Reply to this comment    21 October 2005, 04:01 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
MafiaMan Account Info

Cabamap also uses RPN.

Reply to this comment    23 October 2005, 00:53 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
PeteyBoy Account Info

Yeah, listen to this guy, if you know what's good for you.

Reply to this comment    18 October 2005, 22:03 GMT


Book of TI Discovered
Pavel Panchekha  Account Info

And the 84+ SE shall rule on earth, as the *(T shall rule in TI heaven.

Reply to this comment    27 October 2005, 01:28 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
nathan90  Account Info

DID GOD LEAVE HIS SIGNATURE?

Reply to this comment    18 October 2005, 22:18 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book of TI Discovered
PeteyBoy Account Info

Unfortunately, no.

Reply to this comment    19 October 2005, 10:51 GMT

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