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Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
Posted by Michael on 13 January 2005, 03:16 GMT
Jonathan Katz has always been something of an enigma. He appeared from nowhere to apply for the job of ticalc.org reviews and surveys editor, almost as if he were an infiltrator planted by aliens or a hostile foreign government. Some people then pointed out that he had the same name as the infamous slashdot editor. Yet these rumors proved to be false as Jon is an entirely different person, albeit a dark and mysterious one. His ticalc.org staff photo has always said "Photo unavailable."
Those days of shrouded secrets and Jon's habit of wearing cowboy hats with camera-foiling auto-tracking laser pointers are finally over, as we have now a glimpse into the soul of this introverted and highly disturbed man. Look no further than his newly updated staff page to get your glimpse at the true life of Jon Katz. We see the sunglasses, the hat, and the flailing arms that lead us to the conclusion that Jonathan Katz is not the single-faceted simplistic ticalc.org staff drone previously believed: He is in fact a white suburban rapper who delicately combines words from program reviews and ticalc.org surveys into complicated rap songs involving, among other subjects, triple integration. Jon authors such masterpieces as "Play Megaman 86; it's cool, yo!" and "I was down in the hood with all my bad boys, my beautiful electric nerdy fancy toys."
Now that his true personal life has been exposed for all the world to see, Jon can no longer hide. When pressed by reporters to answer whether he had outfitted his 89 with 19" chrome LCD rims, he refused to answer as he piled into a darkly-tinted Cadillac with members of his entourage. Encouragingly enough, this revelation is not expected to affect Jon's ticalc.org performance in any way. But don't be surprised if future newsletters suddenly start mentioning "bling bling" - it's just Jon finally lifting his facade.
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Jonathan Katz 
(Web Page)
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To clarify:
This is a joke news article. Michael had showed it to me before he posted it and I approved of it. To play along with the joke, as many people have done, I did claim I was a victim of this article. However, before fake news, or joke news, is posted on ticalc.org about a particular staff member, the news editor, in this case Michael, always makes sure to consult with the staff member to make sure it is alright with them.
Please do not be angry at Michasel for posting this joke article, he made up this story all in good fun to try to get a laugh out of the community.
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15 January 2005, 08:02 GMT
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