TI-H: DEAD: HA HA
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TI-H: DEAD: HA HA
I knew this list would die sooner or later... :P
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Real stories from Flight Attendants apologizing for rough transport on
the airlines.....
~~~ From a disgruntled Southwest Airlines employee....
"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your
seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It
works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to
operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In
the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend
from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask
before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small
children, decide now which one you love more.
~~~ Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds,
but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.
"
~~~ United Airlines FA: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all now
painfully aware, our Captain has landed in Seattle. From all of us at
United Airlines we'd like to thank you for flying with us today and
please be very careful as you open the overhead bins as you may be
killed by falling luggage that shifted during our so called "touchdown."
~~~ About 5 or 6 years ago I was on an American Airlines flight into
Amarillo, Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day. I could tell
during the final that the Captain was really having to fight it, and
after an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and
announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in
your seats with your seatbelt fastened while the Captain taxis what's
left of our airplane to the gate!"
~~~ Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to
the terminal."
~~~ Overheard by a guy giving rides: "Sorry about the rough landing,
but
I'm practicing for a job at SAS. Next time I'll try to lose your
luggage."
~~~ Upon landing hard, the pilot gets on the PA system, "Sorry folks
for the hard landing. It wasn't the pilot's fault, and it wasn't the
plane's fault... it was the asphalt."
~~~ An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
hammered his plane into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy
which required the first officer to stand at the door while the
passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline."
He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers
in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally
everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a
cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no" said the
pilot, Ma'am, what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or
were we shot down?"