TIB: From washington post

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TIB: From washington post


Here is a message from the "funny" list...

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Good morning everyone :)

I hope that you are all doing well this morning :))  If not, or you
just want to take what is called a "mental health day", I'm sure you
could use one of the excuses in today's funny.  Thanks for sending it
in, Murray :))  Enjoy, everyone :))

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>From an edition of the Washington Post -- a contest was held in which
readers were asked to come up with excuses to miss a day of work.

 1. If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The
 voices
told me to clean all the guns today.

 2. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my
 Prozac.
I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

 3. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half
 back
an hour Saturday, and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time
continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was
   able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power
source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously
rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I
will be in late, or early.

 4. My stigmata's acting up.

 5. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous
boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

 6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we
 have
that deadline to meet...

 7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.

 8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder
 and,
hey, how about them Hoyas, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I
help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for
calling.

 9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

 10. I just found out that I was switched at birth.  Legally, I
 shouldn't
come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false
information.

 11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave
 me
this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

 12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

 13. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must
 track
her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her
eternal peace. One day should do it.

 14. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

 15. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

 16. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my
house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for
helicopter transportation.

 17. I prefer to remain an enigma.

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Have a wonderful day, everyone!!!  Blessed Be!!!

Tash (felci)
************************************************************************
"Seek not outside you,
heaven is within."
- Mary Lou Cook
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