A86: Fwd: Thiz iz FuNnY!: Ann Landers-Letters from Camp

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A86: Fwd: Thiz iz FuNnY!: Ann Landers-Letters from Camp

Yet another parody of Bill Gates.  Oh and to the list sorry for the off topic
mail but its hilarious!

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This is really funny!

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Dear Ann Landers,

Please print this. I have nowhere else to turn. I have to get the word
out - warn other parents. I must be rambling on. Let me try to explain.

It's about my son, Billy. He's always been a good, normal ten year old
boy. Well, last Spring we sat down after dinner to select a summer camp
for Billy. We sorted through the camp brochures. There were the usual
camps with swimming, canoeing, games, singing by the campfire, you
know.

There were sports camps and specialty camps for weight reduction, music,
military camps and camps that specialized in Tibetan knot tying.

 We tried to talk him into Camp Winnethepoopoo. It's where he went last
year. (He made an adorable picture out of painted pinto beans and
macaroni).  Billy would have none of it. Billy pulled a brochure out
of his pocket. It was for a COMPUTER CAMP!  We should have put our foot
down right there, if only we had known... He left three weeks ago. I
don't know what's happened. He's changed.

I can't explain it. See for yourself.  Here are some of my little
Billy's letters:

Dear Mom,
The kids are dorky nerds. The food stinks. The computers are the only
good part. We're learning how to program. Late at night is the best time
to program, so they let us stay up.
Love, Billy

Dear Mom,
Camp is O.K. Last night we had pizza in the middle of the night.  We all
get to choose what we want to drink. I drink Classic Coke. By the way,
can you make Szechuan food? I'm getting used to it now. Gotta go. It's
time for the flowchart class.
Love, Billy
P.S. This is written on a word processor. Pretty neat, huh? It's spell
checked too.

Dear Mom,
Don't worry. We do regular camp stuff. We told ghost stories by the glow
of the green computer screens. It was real neat. I don't have much of a
tan 'cause we don't go outside very often. You can't see the computer
screen in the sunlight. That wimp camp I went to last year fed us weird
food too. Lay off, Mom.  I'm okay, really.
Love, Billy

Dear Mom,
I'm fine. I'm sleeping enough. I'm eating enough. This is the best camp
ever. We scared the counselor with some phony worm code. It was real
funny.  He got mad and yelled. Frederick says it's okay. Can you send
more money? I spent mine on a pocket protector and a box of blank
diskettes. I've got to chip in on the phone bill. Did you know that you
can talk to people on a computer? Give my regards to Dad.
Love, Billy

Dear Mother,
Forget the money for the telephone. We've got a way to not pay.  Sorry I
haven't written. I've been learning a lot. I'm real good at getting onto
any computer in the country. It's really easy! I got into the
university's in less than fifteen minutes. Frederick did it in five,
he's going to show me how.  Frederick is my bunk partner. He's really
smart. He says that I shouldn't call myself Billy anymore. So, I'm not.
Signed, Bill

Dear Mother,
How nice of you to come up on Parents Day. Why'd you get so upset?  I
haven't gained that much weight. The glasses aren't real.  Everybody
wears them. I was trying to fit in. Believe me, the tape on them is
cool. I thought that you'd be proud of my program.  After all, I've made
some money on it. A publisher is sending a check for $30,000. Anyway,
I've paid for the next six weeks of camp. I won't be home until late August.
Regards, Bill

Mother,
Stop treating me like a child. True... physically I am only ten years
old. It was silly of you to try to kidnap me. Do not try it again.
Remember, I can make your life miserable (i.e. the bank, credit >bureau,
and government computers).  I am not kidding.  O.K.? I won't write
again, and this is your only warning. The emotions of this interpersonal
communication drain me.
Sincerely, Bill

See what I mean? It's been two weeks since I've heard from my little
boy.  What can I do? I know that it's probably too late to save my
little Billy, but, if by printing these letters you can save JUST ONE
CHILD from a life of programming, please, I beg of you to do so.

Thank you very much,

Sally Gates, Concerned Parent

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