A86: (no subject)

To: "assembly-86@lists.ticalc.org" <assembly-86@lists.ticalc.org>
Subject: A86: (no subject)
From: Dux Gregis <assets@eden.rutgers.edu>
Date: Sun, 19 Apr 1998 16:42:16 -0400
Delivered-To: assembly-86-outgoing@towerguard.unix.edu.sollentuna.se
Reply-To: assembly-86@lists.ticalc.org

: : WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

: : KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
: : PLATO: For the greater good.
: : ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
: : KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.
: : TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would
let
: : it take.
: : SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
: : quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
: : JACK NICHOLSON: 'cause it freaking wanted to. That's the freaking
: : reason.
: : RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
: : CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone
before.
: : HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
: : ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTANT: Deregulation of the chicken's side of
the
: : road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was
faced
: : with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies
: : required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a

: : partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by
: : rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation
: : processes.  Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen
helped
: : the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and
: : experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology
in
: : support of its overall strategy within a Program Management
framework.
: : Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road
analysts
: : and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills
in
: : the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of
meetings
: : in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit
and
: : explicit, and to enable them to Synergize with each other in order
to
: : achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully
architecting
: : and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the
continuum
: : of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a
park-like
: : setting, enabling and creating an environment which was
strategically
: : based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and
unified
: : market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and
core
: : values.This was conducive towards the creation of a total business
: : integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change
to
: : become more successful.
: : MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will
be
: : free to cross roads without having their motives called into
question.
: : MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the
chicken,
: : "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and
there
: : was much rejoicing.
: : FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many
more
: : chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
: : RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the
: : chicken did NOT cross the road.
: : MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road.  Who
cares
: : why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there
was.
: : JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't
anyone
: : ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking
around
: : all over the place, anyway?"
: : FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed
: : the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
: : BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which
will
: : not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents,
: : and balance your checkbook.
: : OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the
road?"
: : Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we
: : overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
: : DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally
: : selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to
cross
: : roads.
: : EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved
beneath
: : the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
: : BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
: : RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road it
transcended
: : it.
: : ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
: : COLONEL SANDERS: What, I missed one?